Saturday, September 27, 2008

Mary Poppins Succumbs to Temptation

Doesn't that sound dramatic? Continue reading and witness the drama unfold.

They say that "idle hands are the devil's workshop." And by "they" I mean religious people over 70 and my friend MMG. Although MMG is far from 70, she is quite religious (I kid you not, she attends mass every weekday) and she behaves just like a little old lady. It's what makes me love her so. I say this not in jest, but as fact. She quilts, finds old men irresistible, will be voting for McCain in the election, wears button-up cardigans that match her grandmother's, considers attending high tea the epitome of an afternoon out, refuses to drive anywhere, instead preferring to take the bus or to wait for her husband to chauffeur her around, and constantly utters innocent remarks which come across as dirty double entendres to those of us who are less-innocent. It's all part of her charm. She is charming. Adorably so. And although I've never heard her actually say "idle hands are the devil's workshop" it would not surprise me to hear those words cross her lips (right after holding up her half-eaten lobster--tail and claws devoured, body intact--at a company picnic and offering, "Does anyone want my body?" True story).
The devil's workshop revisited: In my case while working out it's an idle mouth I fear, not idle hands. I have been talking on my cell phone to others while working out (see Wednesday's post "a spoonful of sugar" for further explanation), but yesterday I encountered a few problems: 1. I needed to workout before 9:00pm in order to watch the presidential debate (I'm a huge nerd, I know); 2. We don't get free minutes until 9:00pm (we have the world's cheapest plan which means the world's fewest minutes per month); and 3. I therefore could not use my cell phone as a distraction while working out. Let me tell you, 40 minutes on the elliptical seems awfully long when you've got nothing to do. Did I mention that we don't have cable TV and even if we did we only own one TV and it's not in the basement which houses the elliptical machine? Did I also mention that instead of a book or magazine stand on my elliptical there's a fan? And I can assure you that it's not easy to hold reading material in your hands while using the elliptical. Trust me, I tried it, and I nearly fell off of the machine. The cell phone is the perfect distraction, folks and it was not an option for me last night.
So, as I'm on the elliptical machine last night with nothing to do, I notice that there is a box of Trader Joe's chocolate peanut butter cups in my eye line. I tried to ignore them, but there was nothing to do but stare at them. I foolishly hadn't eaten dinner before my workout so my stomach was gnawing at me and the peanut butter cups were looking better and better. The rest is history. The good news is that after retrieving a fist-full of the peanut butter cups (did I mention they were miniature-sized? That makes them practically calorie-free), I did climb back onto the elliptical to eat my goods. It reminded me of the times I would drink a glass a milk while nursing my infant daughter. Nothing like maintaining a constant equilibrium of input and output. Calories in the former scenario, milk in the latter.

And now, for the workout wrap-up: Fri? and Sat? Done! and Done! That makes a grand total of 4, folks. Four 40-minute workouts, as promised. Mission accomplished. That means it's time to turn my attention one of my many other vices. Tune in tomorrow when I break it down Mary Poppins-style and declare war on vice no. 2.

Finally, if you're not familiar with "Sometimes Life Is Funny," the Nie Nie fundraiser blog book, then you should go here (navel gazing at its finest: The Blog Book) and read all about it. You have until Tuesday if you want to submit something. You have until I give you further information to actually purchase the book filled with witty observations, commentary, and anecdotes, no doubt.


Erin said...

Funny, I find absolutely nothing wrong with said workout strategy. The whole point of working out is so we can eat more, isn't it?

Mary Poppins said...

erin--your approval means the world to me. way to put a positive spin on my weakness.

Shobe said...

I ALMOST thought MMG was me. Except that I am not Catholic, and I do not wear cardigans or know who I am voting for. Also, I don't ride the bus anywhere. But that lobster comment....

Mary Poppins said...

shobe--i'll work you into a post one of these days.