Court OKs Diaper Evidence at Ex-Astronaut's Trial

How's that for a headline? It actually appeared in the New York Times today (where else? You know how I love the New York Times).

Do you remember the news surrounding that crazy astronaut love triangle a couple of years ago? Two female astronauts were after the same male astronaut and the one became so obsessed and threatened that she drove from Houston to Orlando to allegedly kidnap her competition. She made the 1,000ish mile journey rather quickly, ostensibly with the aid of adult diapers. You really minimize the time wasted at those rest stops when you are only refueling your vehicle and not utilizing the restroom. Kudos, diapers. Personally, I've never considered that tactic, but I guess if you're really hard-pressed for time (say you just can't waste the 5 minutes it would take to actually use a toilet), diapers just might save the day.

In reality, although it seems so absurd, it's actually a scary story. Imagine some crazed individual driving half way across the country at near record speed in an attempt to kidnap you. I certainly wouldn't wish that scenario on my worst enemy. But somehow with adult diapers as an integral part of both the story and news headline, the whole situation sounds more like something out of a sitcom, and not a quarrel between lady astronauts.

Core completed? Yes. Although I'm tired of waiting to see some drastic results in the flexibility department. Looks like I need this program as an exercise in patience as well.

Reflections on Vice 4

So I initially thought I'd only purchase consumable items for the remainder of 2008. And although I don't regret setting that lofty goal, in retrospect it was a bit unrealistic. After 6 weeks of following the compact, I've mostly adhered to the strict no non-consumable purchases policy. And surprisingly enough, it hasn't been that difficult. In the beginning there were twinges of disappointment, like when my favorite toy store sent us a 20% off coupon and I was unable to redeem it. In reality, the girls don't need new toys, but I normally spend those coupons because they're such a good deal. But as time goes by, it gets easier and easier to stick to my purchasing plan.
In the interest of full disclosure, however, in the last 6 weeks there have been some non-consumables purchased for the Poppins household. In addition to the Target run, I already posted about, they are:
1. Water bottle for Bert--you may remember how Bert was gone for a week last month. He was out interviewing at a few locations and took a long road trip to get to those cities. He didn't have a water bottle that fit in the cup holder in his car, so I bought him a water bottle that fit so that he could stay hydrated while on the road).
2. 2009 pocket monthly planner for Mary--surprise, surprise I have not upgraded to an electronic planner of some sort. I love the old-school pen and paper method. With January fast approaching and my social calendar filling up already (yes, I really am that desirable), I needed to purchase a planner in 2008.
3. Easel for Una's big Christmas present--this was the most superfluous purchase of the three. I originally said I'd be shopping for their Christmas presents out of the stash of toys I have in the closet. These are bargain toys I've purchased over the course of the year, but haven't yet given to the girls. I thought that this year I'd just give them those toys and save myself from spending more money. And I will be doing that for all of their presents except one: the easel. We are planning on giving Duet a hand me down rocking horse that a neighbor gave us a while ago. It's a pretty big and impressive item and it didn't cost us a cent. I thought Una might be disappointed if she got a puzzle, a book, and some wooden play food from us when we were giving Duet a puzzle, a book, and a rocking horse. When we saw that IKEA was having a super sale on their easels (originally 24.99, but on sale for 9.99), we thought we could pick one up for Una and even things out a bit.
So there you have it. We've been spending less and saving more and we really don't feel like we've been missing out on anything. Sure there are times when I see something that would look cute on one of my daughters (but honestly, what wouldn't look cute on them) and I think it would be fun to splurge a bit, but I resist the urge and within a week I don't ever remember what it was that was so cute. So in the end, I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. In those 6 weeks, I haven't once regretted not buying something.

Core Completed? Wed, yes. Thurs, yes.

The 3 R's

Recap: I was sick over the weekend, sleep-deprived on Monday, had a whirl-wind of activities on Tues, and Wed when I awoke I realized I had been slacking in the workout department. I rectified that today though by getting in a good 45 minute workout during Duet's afternoon nap and then following that up with the Core Program. I'm happy to say that now that I'm more familiar with the Core Program, it only takes 15 minutes to complete.

Restrictions: I'm rethinking the restrictions I've placed on my sugar consumption. Don't get me wrong, I've definitely benefited from curbing my desire to consume any sweet in sight. Limiting my intake to 1 treat per weekday has forced me to make decisions about my food and really plan ahead. If I know I'm going out for dessert that night, for example, I'll skip that afternoon dip into the candy jar. I've become more aware of what I'm putting into my body and I've been (more or less) in control of my cravings. I don't want to go back to the old way (stuffing sweets into my mouth at an alarming rate). But here's the deal: with the holiday season upon us, I've got parties to attend and I don't want to limit myself so strictly during those times. So, at parties and holiday gatherings, I'm going to allow myself to eat multiple treats at the party, as long as I maintain control. An example of maintaining control would be trying a small piece of cake, nibbling on a cookie, and drinking a small mug of hot chocolate. An example of losing control would be standing at the dessert table for the duration of the party cookie in one hand, fudge in the other (I cannot resist fudge), cake in my mouth (and likely, around my mouth--as in, smeared on my face), concentrating on the choices spread out before me, instead of engaging in conversation with actual people. This rule lasts until the new year and then we're back to 1 treat per weekday. Until then, I'll be taking the sugar situation side bar down and replacing it with something else (TBD).

Randomness: I know I just wrote a whole post about Christmas music, but I heard Wham's timeless "Last Christmas" on the radio today and was reminded of how much I loved Wham back in the day. Even as an elementary school kid, I had great taste in music.

The Good and the Bad

Bad: On Saturday I had a fever.

Good: I went to bed at 8:30 that night and slept through until 10:30 Sunday morning.

Good: Did you catch that? I got 14 hours of sleep in one night!

Good: My fever was gone when I woke up Sunday morning and I continued to improve throughout the day.

Good: I went to bed at 11:00 Sunday night.

Bad: Still awake at midnight, I searched for some Unisom, only to discover that someone (OK, it was me) had taken the last one and hadn't bought any more

Bad: I didn't actually fall asleep until 4:15 Monday morning.

Bad: Duet woke up at 6:15 this morning.

Bad: Did you catch that? I got 2 hours of sleep in one night!

Good: In the past two nights, I got 16 hours of sleep which averages to 8 hours of sleep per night (this is my desperate attempt to think positively and maintain an optimistic attitude).

Bad: Duet took a 30 minute nap this afternoon.

Bad: I reached my breaking point shortly thereafter.

Good: Bert saved the day by responding to my plea for help and immediately returned home where he took over parenting duties for the rest of the day. THANKS.

Good: I purchased more Unisom.

Good: I just swallowed my Unisom.

Good: I'm off to bed.

Good Night.

Core Program completed? Good grief! Are you kidding me? You may also notice that I ate one cookie and had a piece of apple pie. I needed something good to get me through this very bad day. Thank goodness for sugar and Unisom.

I Hate "I Heart"

This is nothing but negative, but it needs to be said (and I should add that it is not directed at any particular individual). Besides, I've had a fever for the past 24 hours, so I'm feeling miserable and am therefore entitled to complain a bit.

Since when did it become acceptable for adults to use the phrase "I heart?"

Witness the difference:

I love apple pie, endangered wildlife, and reading current events.

I heart apple pie, I heart panda bears, I heart People Magazine.

All of the above statements may be true, but notice that I sound like a rational adult in the former sentence and a pre-teen girl in the latter.

And it's not even a clever phrase. It wasn't terribly clever when the mediocre movie "I Heart Huckabees" came on the scene a few years back, and it's certainly less clever now. It's one of those things that (like Joan Rivers) does not age well.

Admittedly, those "I (picture of a heart) NY" tourist t-shirts have been around forever. We've become so accustomed to them by now that it doesn't seem like an egregious misuse of the English language and an assault on our intelligence when we sporadically see some post-vacationer sporting their tacky souvenier. But in any other context, I heart is just plain unacceptable.

The last time I wrote I (picture of a heart) anything was back in the 7th grade when I wrote "I (picture of a heart) Randy" on the homemade paper bag bookcover of my pre-algebra textbook. Incidentally, that was in reference to Randy, a boy in my grade, not the Randy of American Idol fame. It's one of those things like pegged pants, neon colored leggings, out-of-control bangs, braces, and a minor Milli Vanilli obsession, that belong in my 7th grade past.

So I implore you, no more I heart! Let's just embrace the fact that we are adults and can and should use other words to convey our adoration of _________________(fill in the blank with whatever it is you love, appreciate, cherish, treasure, prize, value, like, enjoy, delight in, dig, fancy, relish, revel in, covet, crave, die for, wish for, yearn for, etc.). With so many acceptable alternatives, why settle for I heart?

This week's plan is to continue with the Core Program. I know I won't completely overcome my inflexibility in a matter of weeks, but I need to concentrate on this for another week before adding a new goal to my plate. Oh and now that my week of vacation and Thanksgiving are over, I'm back on the 1 treat per weekday plan.

Dos and Don'ts

After 1 week of following the Core Program, I've detailed a handy list of Dos and Don'ts for everyone out there who loves to follow in my footsteps.

Do: Laugh hysterically each time you do exercise 2 and question the effectiveness of such a move.

Don't: Laugh hysterically if you haven't first utilized the restroom. Although you've been doing the exercise known as the Three-Part Pelvic Stabilizer for 4 days now, that doesn't make up for the fact that you've already had 2 children and it will likely take you years of pelvic stabilizing exercises before you can comfortably laugh in public (or private) with a full bladder.

Do: Use a yoga mat when performing these exercises.

Don't: Try to get away with using your bed in lieu of a yoga mat. I don't care how much lumbar support your mattress boasts, it's still not supportive enough. You'll end up prostrate with your face buried deep into the blankets as you struggle to lift the weight of your body out of the hammock that your mattress has suddenly become. You will become frustrated and this is not how you want to feel in the bedroom. See this for a gentle reminder of that fact.

Do: Tell your yoga-loving 4 year old that these exercises are really "yoga moves" so she'll be encouraged to participate (and laugh) alongside you.

Don't: Try any of these "yoga moves" when your 20 month old is wandering around the house. It's a less effective way to complete the Core Program.Good luck and happy exercising!

Two Feet, Revisited

Last night Bert and I had a babysitter and so we went out alone for the first time in over a month. Like most unimaginative couples we went to dinner, dessert, and a movie. Like most poor couples we ate at a cheap restaurant, used a coupon for a free dessert (one cinnamon-sugar pretzel which we shared), and watched a movie at the deeply discounted theater. To most of the world, WALL-E was a summer blockbuster. To us, it's the perfect holiday flick.

Ever aware of my flexibility-challenged body, I decided to use some of the time during the movie to stretch out my hamstrings. It was a darkened theater so no one would notice, after all. What could go wrong with that plan? I glanced in front of me to make sure the seat was unoccupied and then placed my two feet (what is it with me and two feet these days?) on top of that seat so that my legs were extended and stretching would occur. My stretching got cut short when a short woman whimpered and made her presence known. Of course I immediately retracted my feet, but the damage had already been done. I apologized profusely for putting my feet on her head and felt stupid for the remainder of the movie. Even the budding robot romance between WALL-E and EVE couldn't tear me away from my humiliation.

So on that note, Happy Thanksgiving! If you don't feel you have much to be thankful for, you can at least be thankful that you weren't sitting in front of me at the movie theater last night.

Core completed? Wednesday, yes. Thursday, yes. That's a total of 3 so far this week. It's taking less time as I become more familiar with the routine. And as an added bonus, I always feel taller when I'm done. I love feeling taller. Maybe after months of this, I'll actually be as tall as the 5'9" I've been claiming for years now (so I'm really 5'8 1/2," most people round up, don't they?).

Baby Einstein

This morning the girls were playing in Gross Motor Basement and I was doing laundry in the decidedly un-fun section of the basement. Gross Motor Basement thus far has been a moderate success. We're definitely spending more time down there and Duet (aka the climber, Sir Edmund Hillary, you get the idea) can't get enough of the new indoor climbing opportunities. Una shot a few hoops into our child-sized basketball stand and did remarkably well. She then quickly lost interest and (true to her personality and interests) found some pillows, barricaded herself in the tunnel with some books, started pretending it was her tent and spent the remainder of the day in there reading. Not what I had in mind when I originally conceived of Gross Motor Basement, but she was clearly enjoying it so I will (contrary to my personality and interests) resist the urge to complain.

While doing the laundry in the aforementioned un-fun section of the basement, Duet came running over to me with this letter in hand repeating A, A, A.
Usually when she says A, A, A, she's pointing at the stereo requesting that we play Vampire Weekend's "A-Punk." This time, however, there was no stereo to be seen so I assumed what any mother in my situation would: my baby is a genius.

After complimenting her on her brilliance she ran off and then returned a minute later carrying this letter and saying A, A, A, A.Maybe my genius assumption was a bit premature.

Has the core program been completed? Not yet, but the night is young. I'll report back to you on that tomorrow.

Voodoo

We're keeping a close eye on Duet these days. And Bert.

Una's always been enamored with Bert's profession. When asked what she wants to be when she grows up, she always responds "a surgeon." A few weeks back a stranger at the grocery store struck up a conversation with Una and when he found out she was 4 he said, "I'll bet you want to be a princess when you grow up." Una immediately corrected him. "No, I'm going to be a surgeon." Personally I don't find the two mutually exclusive. But in her mind there's no room for princess surgeons, I guess. Tonight while Bert was bathing the girls I overheard her saying that she wants to work at the same hospital as her dad. Una just can't get enough of the doctor thing.

Then there's Duet. Bert brought this cute little doctor stress-reliever home from one of his conferences and gave it to Duet. You know, the kind that's made of some pliable material so you can squeeze it and then release it and it will regain its original shape. She played with it for a while. But what was meant to be a stress relieving, gripping device for adults is apparently no match for Duet. After playing with it for a short period of time, we heard her say "uh oh doctor" repeatedly. Then Una chimed in, "she broke the doctor in two pieces."
So, if there are any MDs out there in the Mary Poppins fan base, you may want to watch your back. Duet may be after you. Like I said, we're keeping a close eye on her. And Bert.

I completed the core program today. After spending a couple of hours hunched over a chair mending clothes this evening, it felt nice to stretch out. Even if it did take longer than the promised 15 minutes.

Sit and Reach Reject

When I was in elementary school, once a year we were required to perform some Seinfeld-esque "feats of strength" in order to acquire a Presidential fitness medal/honor of some sort. The details are a bit hazy because I never actually passed all of the requirements in a satisfactory manner. This should not come as a shock to those of you who have been with me from the start. You may recall that physical fitness has never been a priority for me (please reference vice 1 if you don't believe me). But I'm improving on that front. I would like to remind everyone that since accepting the first challenge to work out, I have accomplished that goal each week. Change is possible.

So to the best of my recollection these so-called "feats of strength" included: running 1 mile (still something I don't enjoy doing), performing pull-ups (something I haven't been able to do since the 6th grade when I maxed out at 4), and participating in the dreaded sit and reach. This is where you sit with your legs stretched out before you, your feet flat against a platform that forms the base of a table-like structure with a ruler on top of it. The idea is you reach with your arms as far forward onto the plateau as you can (like you're going to touch your toes--or beyond) and the ruler is used to measure how far you can essentially sit and reach. Such a clever name for such a heinous practice. I'm sure you can guess from the title of this post that I was never a sit and reach star. In my later years I've learned that my less than stellar performance indicates that I'm not very flexible and more specifically that I have tight hamstrings. Whatever. It's never really bothered me.

But, in the interest of improving myself, and seeing as how I'm not getting any younger, I've decided that I should incorporate some stretching and toning into my successful workout regimen. In an effort to overcome vice no. 6: living with a body that is inflexible (like the will of a tantrum-throwing toddler), I'll be following this book (The Core Program by Peggy Brill), one that has been recommended by a physical therapist friend of mine, and one that I've used sporadically in the past. The program is designed by a physical therapist to strengthen and stretch the muscles necessary for proper alignment and posture. Both my mom (70) and my older sister (45) have had great success with it as well. Since it claims to only take 15 minutes a day, I figure I can manage that. But since I like to aim low so that I'll be pleasantly surprised with my successes, rather than disappointed with my failures, I'll strive for 4 Core stretching/strengthening sessions per week for now.

Now for one last de-cluttering duties report: I did it. Little by little my house is becoming more organized as I throw out unwanted/unnecessary items. Following the compact this last month has been most helpful and although I'm moving on to a new vice, I'm not moving on from the compact. I will continue to follow it and post about it as the opportunities arise (read when I have witty or insightful experiences to relay to the masses).